Everyone has moments when they don’t want to do something they’ve been asked to do. This is a normal part of life. However, for some people, especially many neurodivergent children and adults, “demand avoidance” is a more significant and challenging part of their everyday life.
What is Demand Avoidance?
Demand avoidance means being unable to do certain things at certain times, whether for yourself or others. It can also include the actions people take to avoid these demands, such as making excuses or leaving the situation.
Demands can be:
– Direct: Like a command, such as “put your shoes on” or “wait here.”
– Indirect: Such as time constraints, being asked to make a decision, being asked a question, transitioning between activities, or even receiving praise, which can sometimes feel like a demand.
What Does PDA Mean?
You might have heard the term “demand avoidance” used to describe characteristics of some autistic or ADHD people. There’s also the term “PDA,” which stands for “pathological demand avoidance” (or “pervasive drive for autonomy”). This is a more severe form of demand avoidance that can make it hard for a person to function in daily life.
Why Demand Avoidance is Not Defiance
Having an avoidant response to a demand doesn’t mean someone is being “defiant” or simply doesn’t want to do something. There are many reasons why managing demands can be tough, especially for neurodivergent people.
Who are Neurodivergent People?
Neurodivergent people have brains that process and respond to the world differently from most people. This includes people who are autistic, have ADHD, dyslexia, or dyspraxia. Neurodivergent individuals may think, learn, move, process sensory information, manage emotions, or communicate differently. Want to learn more about neurodiversity? Check out our blog post on the topic! This great visual from ‘Neurodivergent Insights’ identifies a whole bunch of reasons why a neurodivergent person may struggle with demands.
Understanding How Neurodevelopmental Differences Affect Demand Avoidance
The nature of neurodevelopmental differences like Autism can impact people in different ways, and the level of impact can change over time. Even day-to-day, a person’s ability to handle demands can vary based on their energy levels, stress, and mental capacity.
How to Support Neurodivergent Kids
To help prevent neurodivergent children from becoming overwhelmed, you can:
– Support their sensory needs (like providing a calm environment if they’re sensitive to noise).
– Keep a predictable routine.
– Give them time to adjust to new situations.
– Provide plenty of notice about any changes.
– It’s also important to understand that sometimes it’s okay for them to avoid certain things. Give them the space to say “no” occasionally.
Supporting Kids with High Levels of Demand Avoidance (PDA)
Children who experience high levels of demand avoidance (often called PDA or “pathological demand avoidance”) need a more flexible and collaborative approach. This means:
– Working together with them and being open to negotiation.
– Using language carefully.
– Being flexible with expectations.
The PDA Society, based in the UK, offers great resources for families and educators to help support children with PDA. You can find more information here: [PDA Society Resources](https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-with-pda-menu/family-life-intro/helpful-approaches-children/).
A Compassionate Approach is Key
One of the most important things to remember is that, as one of our favourite Psychologists, Dr Ross Greene says, “kids do well if they can.” If a child is avoiding a demand, it’s not because they don’t want to do well, but because they’re struggling to do so. Rather than frustration, approaching children with compassion and empathy makes it easier to respond with patience and kindness.