There are rules and expectations for various situations we encounter every day. Some are explicitly taught, such as classroom or group rules, while others aren’t. In these situations, we might have to figure out what’s expected of us by observing what’s happening around us, looking out and listening for clues on what the hidden rules might be. Most people tend to just learn these rules naturally, but for people with Autism or other social impairments, it is hard to work it all out!!
We are doing what is expected in a situation when we understand or have figured out the hidden rules and behave accordingly. One such rule is standing a little apart from others when we are in a line. In doing so, we keep others feeling comfortable, and having good thoughts about us, which helps us feel good about ourselves too. However, doing what’s expected may not always be fun, and we all have to do things we don’t enjoy or want to do, because that’s what’s expected of us, when we are part of a group, family, classroom, and community.
We might be doing what is unexpected when we are not able to figure out the hidden rules for a situation (such as talking non stop about trains even when the topic is dinner foods!) When we say or do something unexpected, others become uncomfortable and do not have good thoughts about us, which in turn might make us uncomfortable. It’s expected and understandable to make mistakes. What’s important is that we try to adapt our behaviour according to the situation, so everyone feels comfortable and has good thoughts about each other.
This concept is part of the Social Thinking We Thinkers curriculum and is one of the rules we cover in our Social thinking Camps here at My Therapy Space.
Post By Dawn Lim, Educational Psychologist